TWIH Oct. 20 & 21

Civil war battles, outing Communists, and Me So Horny

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

History doesn’t just happen during the workweek you guys.

Fall is probably my favorite time of year. Mainly because they start selling egg nog again in stores and you have to wear a lot of coats. I love coats. Mainly because it’s easier to sneak booze into expensive parties with them. And in Fall there are a lot of expensive parties to go to and not remember them.

OCT 20

1947 – Congress begins investigating suspected Communists in Hollywood

I always thought conservatives were secretly jealous of their liberal counterparts getting all the Hollywood love. I’m convinced that Joe McCarthy was just a disgruntled Orson Welles fan and– frustrated by his numerous letters being ignored– concocted the Red scare just so he could talk to the guy.

McCarthy, “Mr. Welles OMG it’s so exciting to have you here! By the way, are you a godless Commie? If so, sign my 8x10s you Russian sympathizer!”

1990 – 2 Live Crew members acquitted of obscenity charges

The group’s members Fresh Kid Ice and Brother Marquis were reportedly not happy with the decision.

“We were hoping to stretch out the case a little bit longer,” confessed Fresh Kid Ice, “Sales were really bumping you know?”

“Performing Me So Horny just won’t feel the same anymore on stage now that it’s legal.” Brother Marquis stated. He was later found in the Senate’s public restroom, scrawling lyrics on the mirrors in a pitiful attempt to get arrested.

1973 – The Sydney Opera House opens

… and the joke that it’s one of only three things Australia is known for begins. The other two? Fosters beer and that one Simpsons episode.


1827 – The Battle of Navarino is fought for Greek independence

Thus setting the stage for Catholic populated Greece to finally declare independence from Muslim inhabited Turkey in 1832. It also sets the stage for delicious Greek yogurts to make it to America!

OCT 21

1921 – Warren G. Harding publicly condemns lynching

… though lauded for his support of civil rights, President Harding failed to win the support of the critical “Rope and Twine Lobby”.

1861 – Yankees suffer a defeat at the Battle of Ball’s Bluff

To be fair, they had just their star General Jeter in a terrible leg injury a month previous, and Coloner Edward Baker was a .271 average at best. Against a strong left-handed Confederate offense you’re bound to fall behind in the count, walk and strand at least two guys on base, and get shut out in the seventh.

Abe Lincoln ain’t no Tony La Russa, amiright?


1805 – The Battle of Trafalgar

Yes, you’ve heard this name in history books before. No, you don’t know what the hell it was about. Simply put, Lord Nelson of the British Navy (the stuffiest Navy) handed Napoleon Bonaparte his own a** when a joint Spanish-French force tried to punk Britiania.

So if it wasn’t for Lord Nelson, we’d have Jaques Bolider instead of James Bond, Dr. Qui instead of Dr. Who, and Colin Firth wouldn’t have won for The King’s Speech. Savvy? Good. I hope I made it relevant for you.


1967 – 100,000 march on The Pentagon to protest the Vietnam War

… but today we have Google Hangout. I hear that’s better.


I also do a podcast that takes a comedic look at history every week on Crave Online called Historectomy, give it a listen and subscribe on iTunes!