As the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE is inevitable, we believe it is our solemn duty here at CRAVE to make sure you are prepared. Sure watching movies, TV, and reading books can help, but when it comes down to it, you have to be ready to ask yourselves the hard questions. We’ve got you covered.
You receive a frantic phone from your parents that they are under attack on the other side of town; you:
a.) Throw some short-term supplies together with a group of survivors and repel out of the window to save them.
b.) Go it alone and hope for the best.
c.) Swing by and save them, only if it’s on the way to the quarantine zone.
d.) Screw ‘em. They should have given you better Christmas presents.
What is your weapon of choice to take down the undead?
a.) The power of prayer.
b.) Kind words and apple pie.
c.) An M-16.
d.) I let as many near me as I can and then I pull the string on my grenade vest.
What can you always be counted on to say to the other survivors?
a.) “C’mon y’all. There’s always hope!”
b.) “We pull through this by sticking together!”
c.) “Burn the bodies.”
d.) “Leave the wounded, children, and elderly behind.”
A member of your group might have been bitten, but it doesn’t look that bad; you:
a.) Clean the wound and use antiseptic.
b.) A good old-fashioned stop and rest never hurt anyone.
c.) Cut off the limb.
d.) Kill whoever was bit… and just to be sure… anyone who spoke to them.
What book is on the back of your toilet right now?
a.) A Confederacy of Dunces.
b.) A Game of Thrones.
c.) The US Army Survival Manual.
d.) Advanced Lethal Archery and Big Game Hunting for the Soul.
You come across another group of survivors who want to pool resources; you:
a.) Allow it! The more the merrier!
b.) Agree, but keep a watchful eye over the newbies.
c.) Run away. There’s no one to trust.
d.) Initially agree to join forces, but steal their supplies in the night and leave them for dead. It might be cowardly, but its better to be a live coward than a brainless zombie.
A woman in your group might be pregnant with a zombie baby; you:
a.) No life is too precious to waste.
b.) Maybe if we teach the zombie infant that not all humans are bad we can end this war?
c.) Do the honorable thing: END IT.
d.) Let the baby be born (because let’s face it, who doesn’t want to see a zombie kid) and then END IT.
Which location are you most likely to take shelter?
a.) A toy store
b.) Grocery store.
c.) Hank’s House of GUNS.
d.) Chuck E Cheese. (Food, shelter, Chinese finger traps, and a ball pit)
Which previous job qualifies you as a rage-filled zombie assassin?
a.) Department store clerk.
c.) Marine Sniper.
d.) 3rd shift Hostess at Denny’s.
If you answered mostly (a), sorry, but you’re dead meat.
If you answered mostly (b), your prospects are looking better, but not by much.
If you answered mostly (c), you’ll make it, but only til the second act.
If you answered mostly (d), congrats! You’re cold-hearted, ruthless, and have what it takes to survive the zombie invasion. Good for you. Look on the bright side, if the zombie thing doesn’t happen you have a job at the Republican Party.