Decoding the Facebook: Music Edition

Find out what your douche friends are really trying to say!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

You know you have those needy friends on Facebook who post some dumb, obscure, status updates to get people to wonder about "how they are really doing." And one of the main ways people are doing that lately is to share some dumbass YouTube clip of some song that "really sums them up right now."

Well, we here at CRAVE ONLINE have developed a useful little guide to help you decipher what your friends are really trying to say with thier musical status updates. Don't be a slave to your awkward friend's obscurity any longer!

Take a look:

 

Mike (about 2 hours ago): Shared a video: 

What they're really trying to say: I got molested in the back of an ice cream truck when I was nine. 

 

Rachel (yesterday): Shared a video. 

What they're really trying to say: I accidently crapped in the pool again. I shouldn't eat so many chicken wings. 

 

Dan (2 hours ago): Shared a video: 

What they're really trying to say: I'm going to blow so many guys tonight. 

 

Beverly (moments ago): Shared a video:

What they're really trying to say: This is why I'm afraid of black people.

 

Steve (17 hours ago): Shared a video:

What they're really trying to say: I chopped up my girlfriend with an axe. 

 

Lilly (5 hours ago): Shared a video: 

What they're really saying: Okay, crisis over! I finally got my period! Time to get back on the scene!

 

Bryan (15 minutes ago): Shared a video:

What they're really saying: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, go big or go home!

 

Samantha (about an hour ago): Shared a video:

What they're really trying to say: Purse? Check. Lip gloss? Check. Portable rape-kit? Double check.

 

Chuck (3 hours ago): Shared a video:

What they're really trying to say: Whenever I hear this song, I know dad is drinking and will come upstairs and beat me. 

 

Check back to CRAVE ONLINE for more DECODING THE FACEBOOK!