Election season is upon us and so begins the speculation on who GOP nomination hopeful, Mitt Romney might pick as his running mate. Sure, he can pick from the usual suspects. But our sources close to the former Governor of Massachusets say that he's going to cross into the nether-realm of sci-fi and fantasy for a candidate.
We here at CRAVE have compiled a little list of who might be able to come to the rescue this November.
Take a look:
What he offers: Experienced in shooting fire-balls out of his mouth and kidnapping women which falls in line with the staunch conservative base.
Why Mitt might pick him: Political pundits know that both Mitt Romney and Bowser share an equal hatred of Italian Americans.
Who: Grendel’s Mother
What she offers: Offers great foreign policy experience from destroying the Norse countryside and killing Vikings in the night for the past 1,000 years.
Why Mitt might pick her: Mitt might need a female to appeal to a greater voting base. Also, is way more tolerable than Sarah f*cking Palin.
Who: Newt Gunray
What he offers: He was born to play the part of a boring secondary character that no one really cares about in a over-thought sub-plot about real estate and other bullshit.
Why Mitt might pick him: Picking Newt Gunray as a running partner would appeal other weirdo looking fish-faced characters that sound like Asian stereotypes.
Who: Medea (well, Tyler Perry in drag)
What he/she offers: It would be unprecedented for a GOP candidate to appeal to both the black and transvestite community. Not to mention the wide spectrum of voters that are interested in the most shitty movies ever.
Why Mitt might pick him/her: For the sole reason that every American shares – trying to figure what the f*cking appeal of Tyler Perry is.
Who: Tywin Lannister
What he offers: Is very well versed in the political socioeconomic world of Westeros. Also, he’s kind of huge dick. What republican wouldn’t love that?
Why Mitt might pick him: Has his own army. Also, his kids are into some freaky shit.
What he offers: Megalomaniacal tendencies could really be helpful when it comes to trimming the budget.
Why Mitt might pick him: Is more sexually appealing than any other possible VP bids.
CRAVE ONLINE once worked as a office boy for Spiro Agnew, VP to Dick Nixon.
header image: Brian Rawson-Ketchum