Leaked: Green Lantern’s Twitter!

We’ve got it, you want it.

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Guess whose twitter we’ve stumbled onto this week? The one, the only, the green machine, GREEN LANTERN! We here at CRAVE have done some top-notch reporting and gotten the inside scoop on Hal Jordan’s twitter account.  We don’t want to have to tell you what we did, but it took a lot of Vaseline and a Lionel Richie album.

And, as it turns out, GL is no different than most of the douche bags on twitter. Whether he’s going out for drinks with the fellas or smoking weed before fighting crime, he’s definitely a unique voice to follow.

Take a look:

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Happy 420! The real day to get GREEN w/ @weedlatern. #momoneymoproblems.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: @RyanReynolds  is a lil bitch. An old-timey machine gun? Honestly!?! #mymovieblew #tellittoschumacher.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Just saw @WonderWoman in the shower at the JLA head quarters. Talk about a full bush! #chokeonpubes.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: What’s the difference between Kyle Rayner and a pineapple? I don’t wipe my ass with a pineapple. #suckitRayner

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Make sure to watch @MartianManhunter’s new show “Martian Househunting”only on the Oxygen network!

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Breaking Bad is the coolest show on TV. Makes me wish sometimes I had a crystal meth ring! #heisenberg.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Just got some killer pinkberry with @greenarrow. Homeboy got cookies n cream! Loser! #fairyyogurt #pinkarrow.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Life is like a box of chocolates. F*ck the package, eat that sh*t raw. #lifeadvice #thuglantern.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Trying to take time from fighting crime to pick my fantasy football draft! #Sinestroproblems.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Two things I hate: Yellow and female drivers. C’mon traffic! #funnycuzitstrue.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: @Darknight did I leave my socks at your place last weekend? #batmanorgy.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: w/ @sethrogan at some dive bar in Los feliz. Just made a giant green jukebox and we be blastin dubstep all night! #douchechill.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: @wallywest just made vegan cookies! Not too bad. Looks like he can cook faster than he can last in bed. LOL.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Red Robin commercial stuck in my head. YUM!

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Meeting @ Warner Bros. to get a sequel! Fingers crossed for an actually good movie! #Imcomingtogetyouchrisnolan.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Starro just showed up at SpyBar! Awkward! #benstillermoments.

 

HalJordan@GreenLantern52: Hungover! Talk about blackest night!