ARCHER 3.05 ‘El Contador’

Archer and Lana are hunted in the jungle soon after Cyril is promoted to field agent.

Blair Marnellby Blair Marnell

Episode Title: "El Contador"

Story by: Tesha Kondrat

Teleplay by: Adam Reed

The name's Figgis. Cyril Figgis.

This week on "Archer," ISIS had its newest field agent in the form of Cyril (Chris Parnell), the hapless comptroller and a constant butt of jokes courtesy of Sterling Archer (H. Jon Benjamin). Not that Cyril's ex, Lana Kane (Aisha Tyler) was any happier about the news. But because Ray Gillette (Adam Reed) is still crippled, Mallory Archer (Jessica Walter) needed a replacement… and Cyril was probably the best person that she could find for little or no extra money.

Soon enough, Archer, Cyril and Lana are sent to a Colombian jungle to retrieve the notorious drug lord, Calzado (Joaquim de Almeida). And while Archer and Lana are dressed appropriately for the mission, Cyril looks like "the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt" according to Archer.

But the crazy thing is this: Cyril turns out to be a fantastic field agent. Sure, a little girl could probably beat him in a fight; but Cyril displays a real knack for thinking on his feet during the mission. And for s***ing himself, both of which occur.

When Archer and Lana are captured by Calzado, only Cyril remains free by posing as "El Contador," a trusted accountant for "La Sombra," Calzado's boss in the drug empire. Keeping Archer and Lana caged among a menagerie of rare animals, Calzado announces his intent to hunt them as the most dangerous game! And just to prove that he's ruthless, Calzado mercilessly shootis a tiger dead.

Hilariously, Archer is so upset about the tiger's death that he doesn't even harass Lana for sex on the night before their impending demise. Instead, he suggests that she masturbate while he watches, while his heart stays with the tiger's family. Classic.

Before the hunt, Cyril convinces Calzado to pursue Archer alone while Cyril "hunts" for Lana. Once they're reunited, Lana actually praises Cyril's job performance… and it goes straight to his head. The two of them use Archer as bait for Calzado himself, but Cyril arrogantly starts ordering Lana around… so she lets Calzado fight back.
Would Lana really let Calzado kill Cyril? No, but she didn't have a problem letting the drug lord beat the crap out of him. Suffice to say, it's an amusing lesson that Cyril had better not forget.

Back at ISIS, Mallory institutes a new random drug testing policy… which is a huge problem for her illegal substance loving workers. So, Pam Poovey (Amber Nash), Cheryl Tunt (Judy Greer) and Ray are convinced by Dr. Krieger (Lucky Yates) to take his "Krieger Kleanse" to save their jobs. Unsurprisingly, the "liquid fart" provided by Krieger proves to be deadly and disastrous, as Pam hallucinates Ray as a Transformer and she goes on a rampage while Cheryl strips naked and flees from imaginary lava and Ray has a few problems of his own.

For the most part, the ISIS storyline didn't directly relate to the main plot. But I loved the way that they intersected at the end of the episode. Somehow, neither Archer  or Lana got the proof that they turned in Calzado, which costs them the award money that the company so badly needed. Then the returning field agents witness Krieger chasing after a doped up Pam as Ray and Cheryl roll into Mallory's office while still butt naked before Cheryl threatens to burn the place down if they have to go through drug testing again. Good times!

Other episodes of "Archer" may have had stronger stories. But I judge this show by how often it makes me laugh, and "El Contador" was exceptionally funny. Of course I was also going to love any episode that makes hilarious jokes using "Stargate" and Decepticon references.

If the rest of the third season is as fantastic as this episode, "Archer" will remain one of the best comedies on TV this year.

Here are your top "Archer" moments of the week.



Ray: "Oh God! It tastes worse than it smells!"

Pam: "Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that… I'd have eight nickels!"

Archer: "Thanks, Ghost of Teddy Roosevelt."

Cyril: "Ms. Archer said dress for the tropics!"

Archer: "Tropics or Busch Gardens?"


Lana: You're looking for Predator, aren't you?

Archer: (whispering) "Yes!"

Lana: (sighs) "Couple things. A: He's invisible…"

Archer: "Not totally! He has a tell-tale shimmer!"

Archer: "Sorry, I've got to get back to Earth before the Stargate closes."

Mallory: "Get back in here!"

Archer: "Mother! The Chevrons are locking!"

Lana: "Go ahead and say it… How since we're gonna die in the morning we should have sex now."
Archer: "After seeing a tiger get murdered, Lana? No offense, but I'm not really in the mood… I mean, if you want I can watch while you masturbate. But I can tell you right now, my heart's not going to be in it. It'll be with that tiger's family.

But go ahead, start."


Crave Online Rating: 9.3 out of 10.