7 Crap Sci-fi/Fantasy Jobs

Think your job at Target is awful? Try one of these! (also your Target job is pretty awful) 

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

Despite intergalactic warlords, dragons, and space ninjas — the world of science fiction and fantasy probably has some pretty sh*t jobs that have to get done. Think the death star doesn't have toilets that need cleaning? Someone has to make Hobbit condoms. And you just know there is someone that has to clean up Jabba the Hutt's poop. 

We here at CRAVE have compiled some of the worst jobs that one character can have in the realm of science fiction and fantasy. 

Check 'em out and maybe Starbucks won't look so bad.

 

1. ANYTHING on Tatooine. 

Oh, you're a young kid? Guess what — your family is dead. You're a gangster? You'll be strangled or shot. You're a bounty hunter? You'll be slowly digested in the sarlac pit over 1,000 years. Government work? Put on this storm trooper outfit and shut up! NOTHING good has ever come out of this stinking desert planet, ever! Except for Darth Vader, of course.

 

2. The Loveless Wife of a Gay Hobbit

It all starts on the honeymoon when she takes off her wedding dress to discover her closeted gay husband weeping in the corner because he must touch your flesh, when in reality, all he wants to do is hold his friend on the mountain side of Mordor. We've seen it a million times people. And it never gets any easier. 

 

3. Colonial Marine

Yes, you get cool guns. But when you think about it, the perks aren't really all that great. Chances are you'll awake from hyperspace (only a few months) but, everyone on earth you knew will be dead. The female marines are mean. And if you're not killed in the first act, then you'll die a much more gruesome, albeit, memorable death later on. Not to mention you have to hang out with Bill Paxton. No thank you.

 

4. Judge Dredd's Cod-Piece Maker

When you're not measuring Mr. "I am the law"'s package, you'll be making bullet-proof sack protectors for the meanest, toughest BAMF around. "Hey honey, how was your day?" "It was okay, Dredd came in again. I spent two hours outlining the contours of his scrotum." ICK. 

 

5. Guard of the Night's Watch

"But it's only for a little while right?" No. It's for life. You will be stuck on the great wall of the northern realm for the rest of your motherf*cking life! Sure it's got a nice view. But if you put that against the Others, direwolves, and wildlings, this job blows. Big time.

 

6. Samuel L. Jackson in any Science Fiction film.

Ripped to shreds in Jurassic Park, bitten in half in Deep Blue Sea, and electrified out a window in Revenge of the Sith. It's tough being Sam Jackson. Let's go ahead and avoid picking up the phone when the agent wants to cast you in the next Avatar movie. 

7. Castlevania Skeleton

Take two steps forward. Look menacing. Turn around. Take two steps. Turn around. Repeat. This is your job whenever night comes in Castlevania-town. Boring and repetitive. Yes, the soundtrack is cool, but that's about it. However, if Simon gets his hand on a whip, your ass is grass. Oh, and it takes forever for the sun to rise. So, you don't get a lot of breaks.

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