7 Full Metal Jacket Parodies

Sergeant Hartman does not approve, maggots!

Geoffrey Goldenby Geoffrey Golden

Are those… live rounds? Nope! They’re mashups of Sgt. Hartman’s infamous, profanity-laden boot camp monologue from Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. War is hell, whether it’s happening in Vietnam, the North Pole or the planet Eternia. Let me show you what I mean:

 

Full Metal Star Wars

No, Darth Vader. Nobody thinks you’re cute, especially when you use that language.

 

Full Metal Rudolph

There’s no War on Christmas. There’s war in Christmas.

 

Full Metal Toy Story

This is what they mean by “adult toys.”

 

Full Metal Classroom

…and sure enough, Lawrence grew up to be a gay sailor.

 

Full Metal Skeletor

New training techniques. Maybe now they’ll beat He-Man?

 

Full Metal Ponies

Friendship is letting someone come over to your house to f*** your sister.

 

Full Metal Disney

Just another day at the Disney Voice Acting Academy.

 

Looking for a hilarious Christmas gift? Geoffrey Golden suggests picking up an issue of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans! Header via.