Has it happened to you yet? If it hasn’t happened, don’t worry. It will. It’s going to happen a couple times. Unless you’re one of those people who believe that you met your soul mate in high school in which case… you’re in for a big surprise.
We hear at CRAVE Online, have developed a little quiz designed to see how you react when your long lost love commits eternally to the arms of another. You may not like what you discover about yourself.
Take a look:
You’re on Facebook wasting time, when all of a sudden you see an Ex wearing a wedding dress or a tuxedo. You:
a.) Smile and wish them well.
b.) Quickly delete them.
c.) Run for your stash of Jack Daniels.
d.) Arrange a congratulations letter out of newspaper letters and goat’s blood.
You receive a “save the date” in the mail. You:
a.) Pin the letter to the fridge.
b.) Throw it in the trash.
c.) Let it slip through your fingers to the floor while sobbing.
d.) Spend the rest of the afternoon photo-shopping your face over the face of your Ex’s fiancée.
You decide to go the wedding and, while giving a toast, your Ex’s father says, “After many pitfalls, they finally ended up with the right person.” You:
a.) Smile through gritted teeth.
b.) Stare daggers the man.
c.) Smash your glass on the ground and cause a scene.
d.) Act coy, and then later, while no one is looking, assault him in the bathroom and break his kneecaps.
You find out your Ex was proposed to during the seventh inning stretch during one of your favorite team’s game. You:
a.) Send them an autographed ball from the star hitter.
b.) Smugly turn your nose.
c.) Switch allegiances to your most hated team.
d.) Buy a ticket to the game, steal the seats they were sitting in, take them home and burn them over a fire while evoking the name of John Rocker.
You hear their first dance as a married couple was to David Bowie’s “Changes.”
a.) You download it from iTunes.
b.) You delete it from your library.
c.) You start blogging about stupid wedding songs.
d.) You find David Bowie, hold him hostage, make him call the couple and at gunpoint make him say, “How dare you use my song, I hope you f-cking die.”
You find out that the couple is having their honeymoon in Ecuador. It was always your idea to have your honeymoon with your Ex in Ecuador.
a.) Mail them some sun tan lotion.
b.) Take a vacation yourself to Cancun.
c.) Pay off several drug cartels to insure their trip is a “pleasant one.”
d.) Alert homeland security that two drugs mules will be returning with massive amount of cocaine hidden rectally.
You see the newlyweds holding hands in your local Chili’s. You:
a.) Send them a plate of Texas Cheese Fries, on you.
b.) Head down the street to TGIFridays.
c.) Pay off a waiter to spit on some baby back ribs.
d.) Leave them be, the e coli they eventually catch will pay off in spades.
You see an ultrasound of a baby appear on Facebook. Your Ex is now expecting. You think:
b.) That could be anyone’s kid.
c.) I hope it has a vestigial tail.
d.) I wonder how much a baby can get me on the black market?
If you answered mostly (a), you are an emotional robot. Grow a pair.
If you answered mostly (b), you seem to be pretty normal.
If you answered mostly (c), you most likely cheer at the end of Romeo and Juliet.
If you answered mostly (d), your idea of a good marriage is from the first half-hour of Braveheart.
CRAVE Online is watching you.