Terrifying Halloween Costumes I’d Like to See

Forget slutty witches, men in hockey jerseys and other such lameness—get ready for some really frightening costumes. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

The best Halloween costume I ever saw was back in 2005. A friend of mine dressed as Kevin Federline. He wore a baseball cap, a wife-beater, baggy pants, some tasteless bling and a dumb-looking sneer. I saw him at a party and I said, “Wow, you look like a douche.” And he did and it was scary.

Let’s ring in some relevant Halloween costumes that really reflect the climate and the highlights of 2011 and are scarier than anything you could possibly get at a costume shop.

Carmaggedon

I’m not sure how you would pull this one off, but I think you could do so by simply dressing in plain clothes. When people ask who you are, say “Carmaggedon.” When they stare at you and say, “I don’t understand,” explain, “I’m dressed normally because nothing happened and everything was fine. This is my version of a non-event.” 
 

For Couples: James Franco and Anne Hathway, Oscar “Hosts.”

An easy costume for all. Girls: wear an evening dress and act happy, energetic and cute as pie. Guys: Don a tux and don’t say a word all night, while smirking. 

Sara Leal

The alleged Mistress of Ashton Kutcher. The one whom he apparently told he was separated from Demi. The seemingly clueless and blonde partier who seems to not mind exploiting every minute of her five minutes of fame. Ahhh!! Creepy! (Sara Leal not pictured here). 

The guy who threw the hot dog at Tiger Woods

 

One of my favorite moments from the year so far. Funny, yet completely random. And an easy costume to make. Dress like you’re going to watch a golf game and hold a hot dog, menacingly. 

Geriatric Vampire

Put on your best grandma or grandpa outfit except whiten your face and add some vampire teeth. If anyone asks who you are, say you’re a member of the Cullen family from Twilight, Part 18.

Your favorite celebrity—in 19th century garb.

I’m sure you’ve all heard about the picture that surfaced of Nicolas Cage that was Civil War-era. Well another one surfaced that looked like John Travolta. So stay relevant, y’all. Dress like Matt Lauer in a pilgrim outfit. Kim Kardashian in colonial garb. Ashton Kutcher milking a cow!

Tiger blood.

I’m not quite sure how you would pull this one off, but I’d like to see someone try. “Tiger blood” was part of the explanation that Charlie Sheen gave in his now infamous “Bi-winning” interview. He used it to explain how he survived “banging 7 gram rocks.”

Comic Con Leech

Put on your douche-iest outfit–whatever that means to you. For a guide, think of what you see people standing outside of the most over-rated clubs wearing. If anyone asks who you are, say, “I’m part of the problem. I’m one of the tools who ruins Comic Con, at least in mass numbers.”