You’ve feared them in darkened cinemas. Now find out which bad guy your dark side most embodies.
Describe your mother.
a. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I love her. I worship her. On my knees, I fall down and sing her praises.
b. She was all right, nice enough gal.
c. She was great, I mean she gave birth to me, didn’t she?
d. Women are all the same.
Describe your idea of “fun.”
a. Packing a suitcase and a picnic lunch and my best girl (mom). Taking her out for a weekend away in the country. Just the two of us.
b. Ten stiff drinks at my favorite watering hole.
c. Going for a drive with some friends, destroying mailboxes, urinating on people’s front doors. Finding some young girls and showing them the best time they’ve ever had.
d. Hookers. My penthouse. Duct tape.
Describe your warmest childhood memory.
a. Going to Cape Cod with my mom for a week in the summer. Dad couldn’t make the trip.
b. Throwing rocks at squirrels and family members.
c. Breaking a kid’s nose during dodge ball.
d. Getting to third base in kindergarten.
Do you ever feel lonely? If so, what do you do to combat the feeling?
a. I have a long talk with my mother. She’s always with me. Always.
b. There’s nothing that four fingers of whiskey can’t fix.
c. I give someone a knuckle sandwich, because they deserve it.
d. I slow dance with Marguerite, my blow up doll.
You are Norman Bates. You have issues with your mom. You have issues with the world. You have issues with women. You are delusional and have strong amounts of dementia. You are a danger to yourself and to others. Get help now.
You are an angry son of a b*tch and you medicate your anger and feelings of inadequacy with alcohol. However, even alcohol can’t stop you from raging or swinging an axe.
You’re a bully and a jerk. Deep down you have massive feelings of insecurity, of not being “good enough.” Rather than confront those issues, you take them out on the world, picking on anyone you consider beneath you. Nice.
Get help now. You’re obsessive compulsive, narcissistic, sociopathic and a sex addict. You have no regard for human life. There’s little hope for someone like you.