What Your Desired Mutant Power Says About You

The X-Men won't judge you...but they totally are judging you.

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

You can check out Part 2 Here! (Once you finishing reading this of course…)


We here at CRAVE Online love giving you the power of choice. No, you didn't have it until you came to this amazing website, but now you do. Boxers or briefs? Cubs or White Sox? The DTs or consumption? We've already told you what celebrity you want to bone-ify says about you so what about the other, more important issues at hand?

If you answered mutant powers, you are correct.

It's the nerd equivalent of the pickup line "If you could have ONE mutant power what would it be?" The answer an individual gives can either be enlightening, or damning. It's all your choice. You may be completely unaware how judgmental people can become if you don't pick "the right one". Then again, unshakable confidence in your choice will force the others around you to conform to your point of view.

It is in this manipulation of power that you must be unflappable. Also "farting energy clouds" sounds great on paper, but weak in practice. So let's go!


What you get: This classic superpower will allow you to woo all the Lois Lane's you want. You might even get a sexy pair of wings with it! There's a reason why people dream of flying as much as possible, it's awesome.

What it means: Might have religious convictions. Savior complex. Prefers to take the easy way out of a situation. Wants to be Superman so badly you can taste it.

Shoot Energy Beams

What you get: Ahh, the classic Cyclops power. People love the idea of throwing fireballs out of their hands/eyes/other orifices, because it looks cool. Also, it allows you to finally give the "what for" to that car when they cut you off on the highway.

What it means: Anger issues. Obsession with power. Wants to assert dominance to cover for a lack of confidence. Frequent masturbator.

Healing Factor

What you get: The Wolverine effect. This power is all about letting loose with zero inhibition, being able to rush into any situation, bleed all over the place, save the day, and look badass doing it. Also, no STI's.

What it means: Risk taker to the extreme. Might be a fatalist or a cutter. The most self-depricating person you've ever met. Has an unhealthy obsession with MMA.


What you get: You can chuck small apartments at your enemies. Possible to actually "squish people with your fingers" like you used to do in grade-school. Only consolation prize you have since The Force doesn't exist.

What is means: Loves playing with Legos. Can't accept things as they are, you want to shape the world to fit your desires. Pretends things are harder than they actually are, loves to "strain" and "grunt" unnecessarily.

Stretchy Body

What you get: This is more of a Mr. Fantastic or Plastic Man reference, but the X-Men had Skin for a hot minute right? Thin as paper, or as big as you want to be. Any form, any shape is yours to command, whether that means bouncy rubber or hard plastic.

What it means: Sex fiend. Plastic surgery nut. Probably outgoing, loves to change shape and form at will…an actor.


What you get: You can travel anywhere you want! Possible to also take others in close proximity with you. Can get out of a tight squeeze if need be. Would never fail to be on time again!

What it means: Non-committal, has an addiction to wanderlust. Most likely to commit large crimes. Kleptomaniac.

More to come in Part 2! Stay tuned to CRAVE Online for more, and message me @cravesam for any other mutant ideas.