Now I’m not an emotionally vacant kind of guy. I’m not afraid of sensitivity like a lot of other men are, and if someone around me is upset then I will console them with a swift hug without worrying whether or not I “look a bit gay”. The one thing I don’t do, however, is cry. It may not seem like such a big problem, but after not having so much as a droplet of condensation fall from my eye sockets in however many years I’ve come to the worrying conclusion that my tear ducts are broken beyond repair.
However, if there’s one thing that moves me enough so I actually have to hold in those pesky emotions, its Disney movies.
Disney animation is like a grown mans Kryptonite. You can spend your day comfortably being a blank canvas of feelings and then BAM! Woody’s backed you into a corner and is painfully reminding you of each and every one of your dead relatives. If the team behind these movies weren’t so talented at filmmaking we’d accuse them of emotional blackmail.
As The Lion King has recently been re-released in “STUNNING” 3D, I thought that now is as good a time as any to remind you of the Top 5 moments in Disney animated movies that have (nearly) turned us into blubbering wrecks.
5. Bambi’s Mom
You heard the gunshot. You know that she’s dead, but its Bambi’s failure to realise this that makes it so heart-wrenching. His unsettling calls throughout the woods for her are bad enough, but it’s the moment when his father appears in the snow and bluntly tells him “your mother can’t be with you anymore” that left a permanent scar on our childhood.
4. Baby of Mine
Out of all the moments on this list this one is perhaps the most expertly devised, even if it may not necessarily be the biggest tearjerker.
By placing the emphasis on Dumbo’s reaction to the loving touch of his mother, this 3 minute scene connects with the mommy’s boy within us all and ensures, if nothing else, that mom’s worldwide will be receiving an impromptu phone call from their sons.
3. Mufasa’s Death
This one really pulls every heartstring available. After Mufasa is killed trying to rescue his son Simba from a stampede, the bereaved lion cub is instantly thrust into the first 2 of the 7 stages of grief. Firstly he pleads with his fallen father to “get up”, repeatedly telling him that they “have to go” before tucking himself under Mufasa’s arm.
Then Scar comes along and pinpoints the blame onto him, telling Simba that if Mufasa hadn’t tried to save him he’d still be alive. A cruel scene that practically yanks the tears out of you, whilst elevating Scar to the lofty position of #1 Disney villain of all time.
2. The “Look”
This new 3D phase has largely been a useless gimmick; however, those ridiculous “RealD” ray-bans you’re forced to wear really do help in shielding a grown man’s tears when sitting through another traumatising Pixar film.
Take Toy Story 3, for instance. If it wasn’t for those glasses you would have turned around in the cinema to see row after row of swollen eyes and quivering lips, as the audience watches as the iconic bunch of characters they’ve grown to love find themselves resigning in the knowledge that they’re probably going to die. Instead you turned around to see row after row of morons wearing oversized glasses, who had paid an extra 40% on top of the already hideously expensive ticket cost for the “privilege” of watching a movie in 3D that doesn’t even have the decency to make things jump out at you.
1. Married Life
I went to see Up with my girlfriend, and after watching this scene it was all I could do to not turn around to her and yell “PLEASE NEVER LEAVE ME”. Like Baby of Mine before it, this scene will really wring your stony heart of every last drop of compassion until you are left crying in the cinema aisle, an empty husk of a man.