Finally! Confirmed Proof of Aliens!

And what we can learn from Napoleon's Alien-Mind-Controlled actions.

Zack S. Westby Zack S. West

I can't believe it! Well, I mean, I can, but I'm expressing excitement, don't nitpick. We have found proof of aliens inside Napoleon's head. That is the best news I've ever heard. I mean, proof of aliens is one thing. One thing I've been dreaming about since I saw E.T. as a kid. But if aliens planted a mind control chip in Napoleon's head, that means that everything Napoleon did was not forwarding his goals, but the Aliens!!! All we have to do is reverse engineer the actions to get to the alien motive. OMG I JUST SAID ALIEN MOTIVE!!! I never thought that was something I'd actually get the chance to try and figure out. Let's go on this adventure together…

If you aren't excited right now, you have no reason to live.

If you didn't read the whole article, the scientist theorized that the chip was implanted when Napoleon was 25, during a few days in which he 'claimed' that he was 'held prisoner during the Themidorian coup', but I've never even heard of a Themidor, so that was clearly just a clever lie to hide his shame.

Really, he was up in a freaking SPACE SHIP, hovering above Paris, probably hanging out by the Eiffel Tower waiting for their buddies to get back from creating some more plot points for the Da Vinci code. So they did what anyone would do. They kidnapped a mid 20's future king of everything and implanted a freaking mind control chip in his brain. Because aliens have cooler hobbies than you.

So after they put him back, he goes on to do a lot of incredible things, but we see now that those weren't of his own volition. What did the aliens have to gain from conquering Europe? I believe, because he continued on for so long, that his entire lifetime of war and destruction was simply a means to an alien end.

That's not what I mean. It was Machiavellian.

Which brings us to the next question. Did they accomplish their goals? Well, let's look at Napoleon's record. He didn't stop fighting until he was exiled, so it's likely that he didn't succeed. So what was Napoleon Bonaparte's greatest failure?

That's right. Russia.

Napoleon failed so hard at invading Russia that he had to have had greater forces than he forcing him to do it. It was like trying to knock down a wall by hitting it with a dead chicken. It was embarrassing for everybody, even the Russians, who started to feel bad about all those French mother's boys dying in the ice for one man's mad crusade. So, assuming it was the aliens, what could they want from the Russians? Is there something in Russia that they want? Or… are they afraid of the Russians?

On no. That's why Hitler tried too. The aliens have been trying to erradicate the Russians. But why? Clearly, they see the Russians as a threat. But they don't have anything that could threaten the aliens now, no less back when Napoleon was around. What could it mean…


Hypothesis: The aliens know the future and the Russians will eventually destroy the universe.


And, if you don't believe this is actually aliens, then I refer you back to the official source of combining history and extra terrestrial life.