4 Things That Improve EVERY Movie

Now see, if these had been in The Notebook, guys would have liked it better.

Nash Herringtonby Nash Herrington

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I have a friend who refuses to eat food unless it is served with tomato ketchup. Curry, king prawn omelettes, bananas; he insists that each and every food item on this planet increases in deliciousness once it is accompanied by the red stuff. I personally don’t agree with his views on ketchup (nor did my stomach agree with the sight of him mixing it into his chocolate ice cream), but I do agree with his philosophy, and it translates particularly well to the world of cinema.

Here are 5 things that automatically improve any movie that they are added into.

 

Sharks

Look at him. Look at his huge, terrifying face. Out of all the movie monsters the Great White Shark from Jaws still stands (well, floats) head and shoulders above the rest, and he wasn’t even some disgusting creation from out of the warped mind of a horror movie director.

Unfortunately, since Spielberg’s magnum opus the shark has been massively misrepresented in the movies, having appeared in a series of awful films culminating with this year’s pitiful Shark Night 3D. In spite of this the shark remains as fear-inducing as ever, and is still awesome even if its career consists of one shitty movie after another. Kinda' like Anna Farris.

 

Dinosaurs

Although dinosaur movies are few and far between, every time I hear but a murmur of one being developed I immediately Google it and desperately await its arrival, like a Velociraptor skulking around a Protoceratops nest.

Even though I have the attention span of a lobotomized newt I still found myself in line for Peter Jackson’s King Kong, knowing full well that it had a running time of 3 weeks (give or take a couple of days), purely because of the T-Rex’s that showed up in the trailer.

 

P.O.V.

Although there are many horror fans who bemoan the use of the P.O.V. “mockumentary” style that has become so popular, I for one have always been a fan of it and, considering the horror movies scene in the past few years has largely consisted of shoddy remakes of 80s classics, I’m more than happy to spend the next few Halloweens in the company of a Paranormal Activity sequel.

From the underrated Last Broadcast to the Spanish hit REC, I have found myself consistently terrified by the “America’s Harrowing Home Videos” format, and will continue to be right up until the point where Katie’s family decide to invest in 3D recording equipment.

 

Aliens

Just as staring into the vast expanse of the sea is what ignites our fear of sharks, staring into the infinite dark of space is what fuels our interest in aliens. Whilst aliens have been more prominent figures in cinema than sharks and dino’s our intrigue has yet to wane, with the development of another Men in Black movie following 2002’s disastrous sequel being a prime example of this.

Maybe it’s our fear of the unknown; maybe it’s the thought that there’s someone else out there. Whatever the reason is for our love of extra-terrestrials in movies, it still doesn’t give me back the 2 hours I wasted on Alien 3.

 

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