It’s the sweet time of the year for sports fans. Baseball is underway, the NBA and NHL are in the playoffs, and the new NFL drafts are trying to figure it out in camp. However, it doesn’t stop friends and family from lying mercilessly on Facebook.
Luckily, we here at CRAVE ONLINE have developed a useful little guide to help YOU figure out what your friends are really trying to say via their Facebook status updates. This is Crave Online’s DECODING THE FACEBOOK series.
Take a look:
Rachel (about an hour ago): Pumped for the NJ Devils/NY Rangers playoff series!!! This is going to be one for the ages! Stanley Cup is in our grasp, I can feel it!
What they’re really trying to say: Ever since I was beat up by an ex-boyfriend who was really into hockey, I just can’t get enough.
Mike (4 hours ago): I don’t really care what they say about Tim Tebow, as long as he gets us some yards next season he’s all right with me!
What they’re really trying to say: After I ran into him in the men’s room of “The Man Hole,” Chelsea’s hottest gay nightclub, I decided to give him a pass. He knows how to use those DSL.
Caitlin (yesterday): Texas Rangers are in first place and everything is right in the world! Yee-Haw!
What they’re really trying to say: I like supporting teams that automatically come with living in a trailer.
Danny (6 hours ago): Kobe Bryant is the king. I don’t care who else disagrees! That mutha-f*cka has super powers!
What they’re really trying to say: And by “super powers,” I mean the ability to rape women and be acquitted with lightening speed.
Dana (moments ago): Is it weird that really loves Bob Costas’s voice?
What they’re really trying to say: Is it weird that what I mean is that I love to partially strangle myself and touch it a little bit to Bob Costas’s voice?
Michelle (8 hours ago): Call me crazy but I think A-Rod is gonna have a monster year and turn it all around for this ball club. Long live the Bronx! Go Yankees!
What they’re really saying: Janice Rossi, living in 2R is a whore!
Brandi (2 days ago): I hate baseball! Why the hell can’t football season get here already?
What they’re really trying to say: You expect me to fantasize about player’s asses in Baseball pants? Baseball pants? Get f*cking serious.
Steve (yesterday): After a long reflection, we will remember Joe Paterno and his legacy at Penn State fondly.
What they’re really trying to say: I was molested too, but I kept mouth shut like a good boy because I wanted to WINNN!!!! C’mon people! Was I the only won who understood directions?
CRAVE ONLINE is the burden of the working crass.